Teenage is a period when young people identify their place in the family, peer groups, and the larger community. Most parents confront real challenges in handling their teens. The transition of an affectionate and obedient child into a rebellious, and arguing youth creates an extra sense of concern and worry in the parents. The memories of their past experiences, the present environmental influences and constant preoccupation with the thoughts of the future of their child induce extreme anxiety and tension within them. The teens on the other hand must contend with physical and psychological changes, pressures from parents, peers and the society and increased expectations from everyone. They are under greater pressures, than in their younger years, needing their parental support more than ever. Hence parenting teens need extra understanding and skill.

“Have Parents not been through their teen years? – Yet, why are they less tolerant of their child’s behavior during this period? ”

Parents are usually in their fourth and fifth decade at the time and may be going through their own midlife crisis. At this stage of life they are often wondering about the direction of their own lives and careers. Having teenagers who seem to have endless opportunities and who appear ungrateful can stir a lot of emotion in parents. Alternatively, parents may be yearning for a calmer period in their life, which may be disturbed by the dynamic and demanding teenager. In this context it is quite likely for parents to react negatively forgetting the joy in parenting a teenager.

What parents need to understand about the teenage development?

Changes occur in physical, mental and psychosocial facets of the Teens often making them feel confused, frightened and lacking in confidence. Physically, their bodily changes might make them feel awkward and self-conscious. They can experience intense sexual feelings that can be alarming to them, especially if they have no one to confide in. Emotionally, they experience great mood swings as they discover the range of human emotions. Intellectually, they learn to analyze things and develop their own opinions and views. They begin to perceive the inadequacies in the parental world and have constant introspection about their role and meaning in life.

Being independent – Are Parents not needed by them any more?

It is very normal for this age group to spend more time with their own friends and interests thereby distancing themselves from their parents. Yet they need their parents. Though they are growing up and feel separated from the family, they seek support, guidance and encouragement. They need parents who remain involved and interested in their lives and act as an indivisible steering force as they negotiate the problems in their lives. Remaining connected with your teenager is an important part of Parenting.

How to remain connected with your teens?

Building a connection with a child or teenager is not something that can be rushed or fitted into a busy schedule. The most important decision you can make is to allocate time for them. Teens are often insecure and are battling with pressures around them. The argumentative or sulky moods are only a front and they need more than ever the support and encouragement of their parents. Often a genuine complement or a pat on their back makes a difference. Encouragement works wonders Responding to your teenager's initiative is yet another way to connect with teens.

Teen’s expectation on Parenting

They want their parents to trust them and have faith in them but they want privacy as well. They want to talk to their parents about some things but they don't want to tell them everything. They expect independence but also intensely look forward for their support.

Which Parenting Styles fail?

There are three styles of disempowering parenting that one can tend towards, despite the best of intentions. These styles impart irresponsibility in teenagers and do not prepare them for the task of being an adult.
• Over-protective parent: Doing everything for your teenagers, for example, waking them up in the morning, making their breakfast and lunch, tidying up for them, washing their clothes, covering for them when they miss homework etc.
• Critical parent: Nagging, correcting, and policing the teenagers over every task without giving them adequate space and responsibility - for example nagging them to do their homework and then breathing over their neck while they do it, and criticizing their attempts.
• Permissive parent: Giving your teenagers all the liberty without being involved in them and having little influence in their lives.

What strategies parents should follow to support their child during teenage?

• Educate yourself about adolescent development

• Remember your own adolescence

• Think about taking a course on good parenting. Parenting is a learned skill

• Listen more than talk

• Teach your teens about the joys and troubles of life and ways to revel in the good times and cope with the bad

• Use positive reinforcement for positive behavior whenever possible

• Teach your teens that rights and responsibilities go hand in hand, and give your child increasing responsibility for his or her personal well-being and that of the family.

• Help your teens to move toward independence

• Provide your child chances to become involved in the community

• Spend quality and quantity time with your teens

• Seek support and guidance for yourself in dealing with the changes in a child moving through adolescence

• Do not always push for drastic or dramatic solutions

• Continue to provide your children with positive feedback and opportunities to grow

Warning signs of teen in trouble – Need for professional help

• Spending most time alone, and isolating themselves from family and friends

• Sudden deterioration in school performance

• Drastic mood swings or changes in behavior

• Changes in your child's peer group or separation from long-time friends or developing strange friendships

• Lack of interest in hobbies or social and recreational activities

• Pathological lying

• Frequent narrations on ending their life and suicidal thoughts

Tips for Successful Parenting

• Love and connect

• Take Time to be present in Your Teen’s Life

• Listen! Talk less and listen more. Make time for conversation with your teens

• Share your vision. Constantly vocalize your hopes and dreams for them

• Encourage Independence.

• Encourage them to make decisions and choices

• Provide factual information to your teen as necessary to make healthy decisions.

• Think Problem Solving – NOT Rule Enforcement

• Do not be Judgmental

• Practice difficult situations. Set up situations and “what if’s” to practice what to do in difficult situations.

• Be proactive by establishing clear guidelines

• Monitor. But do not police them

• Make Room for New Opportunities

• Celebrate, Recognize, Reward.

• Decide What Matters – Your Standards Matter!

• Be a Role Model.

Common Parenting Mistakes

• We talk too much

• We fail to grow with our children.

• We attend to negative behavior

• We tell children what not to do, not what to do.

• We react after a mistake has been made. Rules should be set up before the problem behavior not after the act.

• We forget to have FUN with our teens